Five minutes to free associate

Five minutes this morning to free associate. Leaving shortly for San Diego to say goodbye to mom. Huge mixed bag of feelings. Daddy, Nana, Grandma Ben, so many people running through my mind and my psyche. Interesting video Dale showed me last night where a little boy was "in heaven" while he was undergoing surgery and he said everyone was their young selves.
Would be fun to see my daddy young and wonder how my Nana, Grandma Ben, and everyone would look. Mom will be happy to have her young flirty self back.
I am going through a lot of reflection.
Think this is going to be the start of a new life for me. Things will change. Looking at who I am now, and who I was back then.
Starting the third phase of my life and it's time to get back on track and see who I am, where I am, what I want, where I'm going, what I will be when I get there.
Need to get it together, no more living my life willy-nilly no goals, impulsive, scattered.
I am looking for the me that was an ATHLETE, fun, giggly, a little wild, and at the same time loving, caring, and adventurous.
We'll see where that girl is.
Figure I lived the first third of my life kind of unconscious, doing and being and not aware of what was going on around me. A little shy because I thought who I was was so unacceptable to people, I needed to hide my wild child side because they wouldn't like me for who I was until they got to know the "nice, proper" girl.

When I did the self hypnosis class and began the road to discovery in my early 30s, I became who I thought of as me, a woman I liked with wonderful qualities, but also with a whole lot on the ball. I had it all. I was who I wanted to be, and could share that with the world.

Then I married Bob, and a quiet, settled life began. He was uncomfortable with the wild child, so she went back away and took out her creativity in sewing and creating beautiful clothing. When he died, everything fell apart and the Lynda I love went away.

She came back for a short while, then when the business went crazy she got buried alive. It's time for her to come back and have fun and enjoy her life.
Journey to the middle of me has begun. We'll see how it goes.

Time to jump in the shower and move forward.
New life here I come!